My New Gym Membership

Today I got a gym membership!  Yay!  Even better, I have already used it!

Click here to go to Fitness19 website

My sister told me that today was the last day of a special deal at Fitness19.  Because I signed up on my sister's account, I got some extra discounts as well!  I only had to pay $49 for the start-up fee (instead of $99) and instead of being charged $20 a month, they will only be charging me $14 a month!  And childcare is included in that cost!

Click here to see Body for Life on Amazon

This is great because I borrowed the book Body for Life: 12 Weeks to Mental and Physical Strength by Bill Phillips from some friends, and it had some very useful information about how strength training can aid in weight loss.  It also outlined how to go about using strength training equipment to work out different sets of muscles.  I've been thinking I'd like to try out what I learned from the book, but this was nearly impossible without using any weight training equipment.

Even cooler, my friend, Jeanne, signed up as well!  So now, two of my sisters and brothers-in-law and a good friend of mine all have memberships at Fitness19.  That's a great support group!

So, since Jeanne and I were already planning on hanging out tonight, and because we were anxious to get started, we decided to go work out together!  After getting our memberships we straightaway went home and changed clothes and went to the gym.  It was very intimidating at first.  In fact, I have had a lot of anxiety when trying to work out in a gym before... mostly caused by my insecurities and paranoia.  Tonight as we drove up to the gym we saw that it was packed!  This made me nervous right away, but I was determined to follow through, so I tried not to think about it.  Once we were inside, Jeanne and I split up as she wanted to do some aerobics on the elliptical and I wanted to try some strength training exercises from the book.  So as she got started working out I sat down and formulated a plan.  I used the formula prescribed by the book; I wrote down the area of the body the exercise focused on, the name of the exercise, the number of reps per set, and the intensity level I was trying to achieve with each set.  The author also recommended writing down the amount of weight used for each set, but not knowing what I was going for, I decided I would start with the lowest possible weights for each exercise and make each set more challenging as I went along.  Once I had the plan figured out and written down, then came the hard part.  I had to weave through the crowded gym, trying to find the right equipment for the exercise I wanted to start with.  I had a picture in the book, so I knew kind of what it looked like, but I wasn't 100% sure.  So many insecurities kept going through my mind... "Everyone in here looks so fit.  What if the equipment is already in use?  What if I use the equipment incorrectly? What if I break some gym etiquette that I'm unaware of?  Will I look like a fool since I'm obviously a beginner?"  But I buckled down and found the right equipment and got started.  Once I was in action it wasn't nearly so bad.  I could just focus on two things: the plan that I had written down and making sure I was doing the exercises correctly.

As recommended in the book, I took notes on the weights that I used, and if I was able to reach the intensity I was aiming for.  Since I didn't really achieve a very high intensity level this time, I know know I can use heavier weights next time around.  I focused on upper body exercises tonight.  I worked out my chest, my back and my shoulders.  By the time I was done with those three, Jeanne had finished her workout.  It had taken me a while to get started because of the planning and figuring out each exercise and equipment.  I skipped the biceps and triceps workout for today so that Jeanne wouldn't have to wait around for me.  In the future, I'll plan each workout before going to the gym so I can make good use of my time while I'm there.

I feel happy with how I started.  I overcame a huge fear and felt good while doing it.  Jeanne and I are planning on going back in the morning.  This time I'd like to try some lower body exercises.

P.S.  The other areas of the challenge are also going relatively well.  Avoiding desserts is still trying at times.  It was hard this week because I decided to make a carrot cake for my sister's birthday, knowing I wouldn't be able to have a piece.  I admit I licked the spoon though!  I haven't really been focused on the eating schedule, so I know I've been eating more than I should, but I'm going to try to get back on track with that this coming week.  A plus I have discovered this week is that I have FAR fewer fast food cravings than I did before.  It is much easier to avoid thinking about fast food because I've conditioned myself to not have it as an option.  This means that I've been preparing more food at home lately.  This week I took some hamburger helper (not super healthy, I know) and added spinach and bell peppers to it to give it a little bit of nutrition.  I also made some chicken lo mein that wasn't too bad!  I'm learning.  I'm hoping in the future to be able to make more things from scratch.

Ringing in the New Year

I'm ringing in the New Year below 300 lbs!  I am never gonna see that number on the scale again!

I am currently 299.4 lbs.  I am very happy.

Also, I have a new haircut!  I donated 10 inches of hair to Wigs4kids of Michigan.  Whaddya think?

P.S.  My effort to refrain from desserts is going splendidly!  It is still difficult at times, but not nearly as difficult as I expected.  Still no chocolate!

So far so good!

Well, it's been a full week now since the last checkpoint so I thought I'd give you all an update.

I was, by the grace of God, able to abstain from all desserts (including dark chocolate).  This was very difficult the first few days, but at last it became much easier.  I had my brother over for dinner yesterday and so I decided to make brownies for dessert.  Strangely enough, it wasn't until after my nephew had eaten half of his brownie and didn't finish it that I was even tempted to eat one.  It was hard for me to see a half-eaten brownie and not do something about it.  Very strange.  I guess I'm so used to finishing what I eat that it drives my subconscious nuts when someone else doesn't.

I only exercised once this past week.  I really need to pull up my bootstraps and do it.  I do have a lot more energy than I did in August and it's a lot easier to move around; but at the same time I can feel the lack of exercise affecting my body.  I can especially feel the weakness in my abs when I'm at work.  For a while, when I was exercising regularly I could move more fluidly, not get out of breath as quickly, and it was easier to have good posture.  I'd like to start experiencing that again. Tomorrow I'm going for a walk with a friend.  I'm looking forward to it.

I haven't read the Bible at all this week.  I need to learn to make this a top priority. I'm going to start by reading as soon as I'm done with this update.  (EDIT: I just finished reading.)

Everything else has gone pretty smoothly.  I've taken a vitamin almost every day.  I've had no fast food.  I've only had water to drink.  (I'm still surprised how easy that's been.  I've really come to enjoy water so much that I don't really want anything else).  I've added some more veggies into my diet.

I'll keep you all updated!

Self-fulfilling Prophesy

Well, it's been five weeks since my last post.  The result... I'm down to 302.2 lbs, which means I've lost another 6.4 lbs.  That's a total loss of 26.8lbs since September 1st!

Here's a quick summary of the last five weeks...

• I was able to stick with only drinking water except when I chose a drink as my dessert of the day.  
• For the most part I cut my meals down to about one plate full, though there were a few instances when I didn't.  Pizza's a killer.  
• Only twice did I have more than one dessert a day.  I also had a few days in which I had no dessert.  
• I got a decent amount of exercise for the first couple of weeks.  The last three, not so much.  
• The 66 day Bible reading challenge came to a screeching halt a week into it.

Here's my plan for the next five weeks...

• Start exercising again.
• Drink only water.
• Add more veggies to my diet.
• Try a few new recipes.  
• The only dessert I will have is one small piece of dark chocolate a day.  They say in small quantities it's good for you and complete denial of all sweets is a little too scary to me at this point.
• EDIT: I changed my mind.  I'm going to see how many days I can go without having any but if I absolutely have to have something, then I'll allow myself one piece of dark chocolate.  I wonder if I can go the full five weeks.  Hmmm.
• Take a daily vitamin.  I'm thinking gummy vitamins count as medication, not dessert.  :-)
• Read the Bible every day.  Even if I don't have time for 18 chapters, I can still read something every day.   
• Originally I had mapped out that at this point I would begin to record all my calories every day, but I am going to save that challenge for down the road.  I really think I'll have enough to worry about with trying to get exercise and avoid junk food and desserts.  I don't want to stress myself out too much.  

A couple of weeks ago I had a very pleasant experience at Goodwill.  I had realized that I no longer had any nice red or green shirts and as I was doing a Christmas tour with my church choir I was looking for a nice Christmasy shirt.  

At Goodwill I went straight to the 3x section of shirts, but  I didn't like any of them at all.  At this point (and this really was the first moment this occurred to me) I realized that I may have lost enough weight to fit into a smaller size.  So I grabbed a few 2x and 1x shirts, and went to go try them on.  They almost all fit!  There were a couple of 1xs that didn't look right, but I found a few 2x shirts, a 1x, and even an xxl that all look great on me!  (Well, okay, the xxl is still a little tight, but I loved it and I was stoked that I could get it on my body, so I went ahead and bought it.  I figure it won't be too long until I can wear it!.)  My favorite one is a red velvet 1x; I've already gotten a number of compliments of how I look while wearing it.  

My sisters, Hannah and Lauren, have both had dreams now in which I lost so much weight I was as small as them.  They tell me I looked great!  Hannah said, "It's a sign!"

Two weeks ago it dawned on me that Hannah is expecting that this is the last time I have to try to lose weight.    She really believes that I can do this; that even though I have so often tried and failed I can make permanent changes to live a healthier life.  This really got me thinking.  It wasn't until then that I realized that I didn't really believe in myself.  Not fully.  Sure, I had hopes, but hopes aren't the same as expectations.  I HOPED I would be able to change to a healthier lifestyle, but I EXPECTED that at some point I would fail and give up.  That's what I've always done before.  

So I decided that instead of saying "I hope to make a permanent change to my life" I would change my attitude and say, "I WILL make a permanent change to my life."  

That's the battle now.  I want a self-fulfilling prophesy, but a good prophesy and not a bad one.  I'm still struggling to believe that I can do it.  Prayers are VERY much appreciated.  

Halfway Checkpoint!

The 20 week challenge is now at the halfway mark!

Today I weighed myself and my current weight is 308.6.  I have lost 5.4 lbs since the last checkpoint!  That's right on track with my goal of losing one pound a week.

Life has been rather busy lately, but my goals to cut out fast food, drink only water, exercise more, and follow my eating schedule have been successful.  Not perfect, but successful.

Cutting out fast food was difficult.  I'm not very good at planning, so I often forget to eat before I have to go somewhere and then I REALLY just want to stop and eat fast food.  I've been keeping some food in my car (peanuts, granola bars, fruit, jerky) for when this happens.  My mom has been my fast food accountability partner, so any time I want to get fast food I have to run it by her first (or guiltily confess after... which has happened once).  When I have made an exception and gotten fast food it's been because I really didn't have time to eat and I wouldn't be able to eat again for several hours.  One day I got a footlong sandwich at Subway and had half at lunch and half at dinner.  I think that's the first time I've EVER had a footlong and made it stretch into two meals.  Last night was another time I made an exception, I had been babysitting all afternoon and then had to leave for choir rehearsal without having eaten.  I called my mom and asked if I could get something from the dollar menu at McD's.  She said ok as long as I didn't eat double portions.  (It was good that she said that because I was thinking about getting 2 burgers... I bought only one instead).  Anyway, no fries or soft drink.  Interestingly, the burger wasn't great.  I probably wouldn't have noticed that before.

Only drinking water was the easiest transition.  I have really enjoy drinking more water and I haven't felt a huge loss with being unable to drink other stuff.  I have allowed myself to have something other than water if I was choosing to use that as my dessert for the day, but I've only done that a couple of times.

It's been a challenge to fit in exercise.  I have been exercising when I have the free time, but I haven't had a whole lot of free time lately.  I'm working on figuring that out.  I have really enjoyed using the exercise DVDs I have.  I purchased a Dancing with the Stars latin dance cardio DVD and I also have Mari Winsor's Pilates DVD.  My favorite is starting with some dance until my legs can't take it anymore and then stretching it out and relaxing with Pilates.   My goal for the next 10 weeks is to exercise 4-5 times a week.

My sister, Hannah, challenged me to cut out all junk food for the next checkpoint, so I'm starting that now.  For the past 10 weeks I have been letting myself have some chips or whatnot as a snack or as part of a meal, but until the next 10 weeks is over, I'm going to do my best to stay away from nutritionless junk.  I'm still going to allow myself to have one dessert a day, but I'll try to have just a piece of chocolate on some nights instead of a bowl of ice cream or a brownie.

The biggest challenge I'm going to have for the next five weeks is cutting down my meal portions.  I am going to challenge myself to have only one plate of food per meal.  That is going to be TOUGH!  I LOVE food, and I STRONGLY DISLIKE feeling hungry.  I know intellectually that I'm not going to starve if I get hungry between meals and snacks (hey... it's what normal people do), but when I start to get hungry my anxiety level rises and my mood turns sour.  So, by cutting back on meal portions, I'm ensuring I'll be getting hungry between meals and snacks; this is a good thing, but it will be difficult emotionally.

In addition to the 20 Week Challenge I'm also working on surrendering my spiritual life more fully to the Lord.  My friend, Jeanne, and I have decided to try to read through the entire Bible (chronologically in order of Biblical events) in 66 days.  That's one book per day, or 18 chapters a day.  I'm a little behind because I've been so busy, but I'm trekking on.

My God Answers Prayer

God is so good.  He knew exactly what I needed and he provided.

Things I've been struggling with:

• Choosing to obey God instead of choosing my selfish desires.  
• Knowing how to hear God's voice/ knowing if what I think is impression from God actually IS from God.
• Overcoming strongholds/ changing my lifestyle.

Guess what!  This book I received from Moody Radio addresses all three of these concerns!  The book is The 10 Second Rule by Clare De Graaf.  You can read more about it here: http://www.claredegraaf.com/10-second-rule/

Yesterday, before I got the book, I spent some time really talking to God about how frustrated I am with myself.  I find it SO difficult to actually DO what I know I should.  I so often will choose what is easier, or more convenient, or more fun over what I know I should do... what I know God wants me to do.  I prayed to God, "I don't know how to force myself to do the right thing!  Change my heart, Lord!"  

I want to be someone to whom the Lord can send an impression from the Holy Spirit and I will obey.  "God, because I'm so broken, how do I know if any impressions I get come from you or from my own mind?  You're going to have to teach, me Lord.  Make it obvious for me."

It was not even an hour later when I received the book.  Just so you have an idea of how perfect this book is for this time in my life, let me give you a few chapter titles: Dueling Voices, Listening to the Voice of God, The Power of Small Beginnings, Why Your Simple Obedience Matters, From a Rule to a Lifestyle.  I haven't finished the book yet, but man-oh-man, what I've read so far has spoken to my heart.

I am not under any delusions that this book will have all of the answers.  But I'm excited about the possiblity that it will help me address those specific problems I'm dealing with and help me understand how to apply what i learn from the Bible to my life.

I am just in awe of how God knew exactly what I needed, and set into play the solution at just the right time.  God is so good!  

An Exceptional Morning

I love it when God does something to let me see how he's working in my life.  This morning he stopped me dead in my tracks and gave me an unexpected blessing despite the mess I was in.

On my way home from work this morning, I stopped at Meijer to send some mail.  I was thinking about all of the things I have to do today, unsure how I was going to get everything done.  I put the mail in the slot, turned around and started walking to the exit.  I moved my arm to get my keys from my purse, and then froze.  I didn't have my purse.  I didn't have my keys.  I didn't have my phone.  I didn't have my money.  Somehow I had managed to leave EVERYTHING in my car.  I walked to my car whispering under my breath, "Please be unlocked.  Please be unlocked," knowing full well that I lock my doors by habit and was pretty certain that this morning wouldn't be any different. When I got to my car I could see my purse and my keys sitting in the passenger seat.  I tested each door, even the trunk, hoping that something would be unlocked.  No such luck.

I walked back into Meijer, sheepishly stopped an employee and told her my situation.  I asked if there was a phone I could use since I didn't have access to my cell.
"I don't think we have any phones that are able to call out," was her reply.  "You could use a payphone."
"Well, my money is in my purse and my purse is in the car."
"Oh."
"Well, thanks anyway," I said and turned around wondering if I could figure out how to call collect.
She stopped me, "Hang on, I remembered that Mike has a phone that can dial out.  I'll see if I can reach him."
It took a few tries, but she eventually got a hold of him and he brought the phone up.
"I do that kind of thing all the time," he said.  "Once, I locked my kid in the car with the car running."
"Well, that gives me some perspective," I replied, happy to have the reminder that things could be much worse.

I called home and my dad answered.  My dad has the same tendency I have to lock himself out of his car, and he is always very generous when it comes to helping people out of predicaments, so I was fairly certain he would be willing to help me out.  He didn't let me down.  He told me he was on his way with my spare key.  I sat on a bench at the front of the store and waited, thankful that Zeeland is only 20 minutes from Grandville and grateful that I have a wonderful dad.  As the minutes passed, my thoughts returned to all the stuff I have to do today and how behind this would make me.  I was worried that this could start a snowball effect and send the rest of the day spiraling out of control.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when an employee walked by carrying a bucket.  As she walked by, she asked if I'd like a coffee.  "Well, I won't say no.  Thank you," I replied.  She told me I could go up to the Starbucks counter and they would give me a free cup.  It crossed my mind part of my 20 week challenge is to drink only water, but I quickly decided that my exceptionally bad morning could use an exception to the rule.

I walked up to the Starbucks counter.  The lady glanced up at me as she continued wiping things down.  At that point I realized I hadn't caught the name of the lady who offered me the coffee.  "Um," I stumbled out, "I locked myself out of my car and a lady told me I could, um, have a coffee while I wait."
"Someone told you you could have a free coffee?  We aren't even open yet."  The Starbucks lady looked at me, eyebrow raised.
"Um, yeah.  I don't know her name.  She was... carrying a bucket," I said, as if that would help.  I looked around.  The lady was nowhere in sight.  "Well, never mind."  I walked away.

Then I saw my boss from Kohl's checking out.  I told her my situation and we laughed.  "That's totally something I would do!" she said.  As we were laughing together, the lady who offered me the coffee came up.  "I put in for you to get the coffee."  She called out to the Starbucks lady, "Can you please get a coffee for this lady?"  As the cup was handed to me, I was relieved I didn't have to stumble through any more explanations.  "I put in for you to have a donut, too, if you want one."  It took me about a half a second to decide that I would have my dessert early today.

Not too long after I finished my donut I was sitting there looking at a lifesize picture of a guy with a megaphone, when my dad came up and said, "Kind of a one-sided conversation isn't it?" It took me a second, but I realized it looked like I was having a conversation with the carboard figure.  Dad and I had a good laugh.

As we walked out of the building I thanked the lady for the coffee and donut and I thanked my dad for bailing me out.

On the way home, I was trying to keep my mind on my blessings instead of letting my thoughts dwell on the waste of time that had just occurred, so I tuned in to Moody Radio.  The morning deejay, Scott Curtis, (who is a member of the choir I just joined this spring, by the way) was talking about a book about "doing the next thing that you are reasonably sure God is calling you to do."  I didn't catch the name of the book, but it sounded intriguing.

"Ok," I thought, "I need to change my focus.  Don't think about all the things I have to do.  Don't think about how little time I have to do them.  Don't think about the mistakes I've made or might make in the future.  Just think about what is the next thing God wants me to do."

Then I heard, "Let's open up the phone lines.  The sixth caller will get a free copy of this book."  Well, I don't usually call in to these things, and when I do, I don't usually get anything, but this morning I had a tingly feeling that maybe God was orchestrating this.  I was at a stoplight so I picked up my phone and dialed.

The phone rang.  "Good morning, Moody Radio, who's this?"  I gave him my name.  "Are you ready to do what God wants you to do?" he asked.
"I am."
"Well, you've got the book!"
I was excited, so He asked me why I was looking forward to reading the book.  I told him about how I'm trying to make lifestyle changes so I can honor God with my life, and I thought that reading the book could bring focus and clarity while I'm struggling to overcome the strongholds I have in my life.

"That's a good goal," he said.  "Now remember to rely on God's grace.  You can't overcome strongholds on your own.  Be careful not to get too focused on 'what I have to do', because it's not what we do but what God does that makes the difference.  We can't change ourselves, but we can allow God to change us."  That was something I definitely needed to hear.

So, you see, a very annoying thing like locking my purse in my car turned out to be a huge blessing.  I'm not worried anymore about everything I have to do today.  Almighty God made it a point to remind me of his power, his love, his faithfulness, and his blessings.  He was and is with me.  He orchestrated it all perfectly; if I hadn't locked my purse in my car I wouldn't have been blessed by the employees at Meijer, I wouldn't have had a chance to laugh with my dad, I wouldn't have listened to that radio program, and I wouldn't have gotten that book.

An exceptionally bad morning turned in to an exceptionally wonderful morning.  All i can say is, "Praise the Lord!"